Eating Pudding With A Fork

It’s messy but it works.  I haven’t written for a long time, rather, I haven’t published for a long time.  The writing never stops but the focus necessary to round it all up, add punctuation, filter for appropriateness and put it online, waxes and wanes.  Sometimes I’m in and sometimes I’m out.

The words spill out in the dark of my mind with no particular order or goal other than to exist. They pile up, one on top of another, filling space like bags in a hoarder’s house until there is no choice but to open the door and let them spill out.  
It’s messy but it works

The Days After

"We were  *this close*"  I hear from the Republicans in the room.

"Really", I say - "ah - maybe not so much".

You were not *this* close - you were not even remotely close.  Your party didn't get one battleground state and no amount of hand wringing or finger pointing at natural disasters will make that different.  Your self deluded party has to face this hard.cold.truth:

As long as the focus is on limiting the social rights of others, Republicans will never again be close to leading anything more than their own state of mind.

Frighteningly, if Republicans had wanted to have more votes it wouldn't have been that difficult.  Most people are not all that altruistic.  Many folks desire to have less government and more wealth.    The inept workings of big government often leave people feeling let down.  It's not hard to feel conservative about taxes and government spending. What the Republican party would have to do to get those moderate and independent votes is simple:

• Keep their eyes out of the bedroom
• Keep their hands off women's bodies
• Keep the church out of state and federal government

Dump the conservative christian right and walk away with an election.  It would be simple, however, it would require growing up and letting people make their own personal choices about things that are... personal.   It would also mean actually walking the walk about less government.  Less government in all areas, not just the fiscal arena. 

It will be interesting to see if they learn the lesson this election is screaming to teach  - they have four more years to think about it.

What do you do?

What do you do - when you lose interest in being interesting?

I should...

It's an election year.  I should write.  Usually I get all fired up and have thoughts.  Thoughts that beg for exposition, explanation and to get out of my head.  I expect to have lots of thoughts, rants, and opinions in years like these.  Not so much this year.  My Dad died.  We lost his thoughtful vote and I lost my voice.  

Really?

Barbara Streisand is turning 70.  How the heck did that happen?

Cold open

This loss propels me past the barrier of perfectionism, strips away the filter of appropriate social convention and sets me on an edge that feels slightly ominous.  It's possible that I might say exactly what I mean right now, without artifice or consideration, without the habitual vetting process that operates continuously in my mind.  There has always been a screen that sterilizes, spins and mutes my voice.  An infinite loop moderating reality into more palatable sound bites.

There is nothing between my heart and my voice, right now.  It's terrifying, leaves me vulnerable but also clearly focused.   I wonder now,  if those processes meant to keep me safe were also choking me.

Extremes

It was a week of extremes. From extreme weather in Alabama to the extreme sugariness of the royal wedding to the extremely surprising news of the death of Osama Bin Laden, it’s overwhelming.

I have a hard time celebrating the death of anyone.  It isn’t in my nature.  I remember where I was on 9/11/2001, and can still feel the anger and helplessness of that day.  The memory is filled with crushing grief and disbelief for all the death.

I will also remember where I was when President Obama announced Bin Laden had been killed.  It was again an ordinary day and I felt the same kind of grief.  This time for the thousands of young people who have given their lives in the service of stopping him and for a collective human soul that simply can’t stop hating and killing each other.

It is interesting to me that most of the celebrants in the streets were college students who would have been in elementary school on 9/11.  I wonder how the “War on Terror” has impacted them… maybe more than we thought it did. We tried to protect them from the anxiety, but perhaps they needed the symbolic release more then we knew.  They are certainly the generation that fought this war. It is also possible that the young are the only ones with the energy to dance in the streets, for anything.

Perhaps it is not about anxiety or energy, perhaps it is just about experience.   After a certain time in one’s life it is hard to celebrate death for any reason.  Don’t miss-understand, I am glad Bin Laden is gone.  I am glad that his influence and terror are stanched.  I also realize that there was probably no other way to stop him.  It is what it is.  But it isn’t a celebration unless we have somehow mitigated our collective instinct to strike out.

Christmas for Anglophiles

It’s Christmas day for the rare Anglophile. Inexplicably I am one.  Perhaps because of our time in London and Cornwall, or perhaps it is simply an instinctive nod toward the common mother of so many nations  In any case I am all set for the big event. Tea is almost ready and the telly is on. Even a borrowed set of Yorkshire terriers (okay that is just coincidence) at my side...let the wild rumpus begin!

Can't help it...

Crikey! There's an App for that?

Well, as if my irony ivories haven’t been tickled enough today, it seems there is an App for… wait for it …the Royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton! Not just one App, but many many Apps to assist and enhance our Royal wedding experience. This should not surprise me but somehow it does.

The apps offer everything from pictures and histories of the royal family and the couple, to countdown clocks, British themed alarms and general wedding tips. Of course, the royals have not sanctioned all the apps or features and there are a number of articles describing which one is best.

The details are not what thrill me.

I am unreasonably delighted by the idea of it. Who says time travel isn’t possible? This proper intersection between the worlds of the grandmother and the grandson are proof. I am filled with eye-crossing glee at this development. Now, which ones to download?

The Room

From Friday.

I look around the room. I see my colleagues. Most are friends, some I have know for almost 20 years. They are dear to me, even the ones with whom I have tangled over tough issues. In this tribe we are fierce in our love, passions and respect.

The tribe is evolving. An alchemy is at work. It is not good or bad, like all change it has elements of both. We are dissolving and reconfiguring, changing out the old for the young, the experienced for the novice. I am neither, so I stay. Some are leaving early, as the changing landscape of education is rocky and hard to navigate. It is brutal, like some ancient marathon run at an unimaginably modern speed. People make choices about what they can and can’t tolerate.

This transmutation is woven through with grief for me. I will miss the ones who leave. We have worked, fought and created together. We mounted a kind of battle together in the service of students, so there is an unforgivable emptiness with each one who goes.

Yet even in the loss, I feel a tiny flame of hope that the new will bring ideas we haven’t considered or strategies that will shift the current paradigm out of it’s death throe. We need new thought. We need new attitudes. We need new hope, new expectations, even a new faith. If we can keep that flame alive in this troubled time, perhaps we can survive.

Your Choice

Still here

This morning when Hasselbot reminded my to blog something, I reflexively aimed for the delete key as I have been doing for the last year - but stopped. Instead, I logged in here with the intention of deleting the whole blog and starting over again – maybe – someday. If I ever reinvent myself, I’ll do this again – maybe – someday.

I say to myself : It’s too hard, I don’t have enough time, nobody reads it…I’m not good enough (fill in your favorite self loathing lies here).

And yet…I’m still here. No deleting. No cheating. Just here.

Comic relief

Sometimes I just can't help it. I love the Olympics, but when the tension gets too high I have to take a break. Last night I watched some of the oh-so-serious figure skating while listening to random music on my iPhone. It was wild how often it all sync-d up!

Last night was Indie-Funk...and tonight?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Let The Games Begin!

It's time! Time for the best, the brightest and most talented to come together for competition! Just have to take a moment to honor all the dedicated athletes who will give it their all - starting tonight! Hats off to you all.