This loss propels me past the barrier of perfectionism, strips away the filter of appropriate social convention and sets me on an edge that feels slightly ominous. It's possible that I might say exactly what I mean right now, without artifice or consideration, without the habitual vetting process that operates continuously in my mind. There has always been a screen that sterilizes, spins and mutes my voice. An infinite loop moderating reality into more palatable sound bites.
There is nothing between my heart and my voice, right now. It's terrifying, leaves me vulnerable but also clearly focused. I wonder now, if those processes meant to keep me safe were also choking me.
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